Hot Tub Slime Machine

I went to the gym today to run on the treadmill because it was so hot outside. After my workout, I went to the hot tub to soak. In the 15 minutes I sat there, I counted eight people get in and out. I'd guess that the hot tub probably got around fifty people per day. The average person sweats 27-47 oz per hour in the heat. If fifty people spend 10 minutes each in a hot tub, that's 300 oz of sweat per day, or 18 lbs. If they went 30 days without draining it, that would be 540 lbs. And that doesn't count other bodily fluids or residue from people who don't shower first. Based on the total volume of the hot tub and how inconvenient it must be to completely drain, I tried to estimate what percentage of the water/broth was human secretions, but without knowing how frequently the tub is drained, I cannot produce an accurate estimate. My guess is between 30-60%. I should take a sample home with me next time and examine it under my microscope.

Craigslist

I need to figure out how to make money by purchasing and selling things on Craigslist. There’s just something I enjoy about meeting a stranger at their house and being invited in as a welcome guest. I like it when I can get a good sense of what type of life they live. When I first walk in to the house I breath in the essence and try to identify each smell. Most people tidy up when they know I’m coming over, but I can tell when it’s a quick job. In my experience, the people with the cleanest houses are usually the ones with the most to hide. I usually ask to use the restroom because it’s a perfect opportunity to get an inside peek to their personal life. As I run my finger across the bristles of their toothbrush, I feel like I’ve known them my whole life.

It would be nice if I actually had the money to buy the items they are selling. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to come up with excuses of why I don’t want the item. I usually tell people I have to talk it over with my wife, but I can tell they know I don’t have one because I don’t wear a ring. I should look for wedding rings on Craigslist. That way, I can tell people I lost mine and need to buy a new one. Plus, people going through divorces are likely to be teeming with emotion and might even share an intimate part of their lives with me. I’ll sleep with a rubber band around my finger tonight to start forming an indentation where a wedding ring would be.

The Dog Park

At the dog park today, I overheard a woman talking about how someone broke into her house and stole her computer. She had all her files backed up on an external hard drive but they stole that too so she lost everything. I decided to start writing my daily journal online so I won’t lose it if someone were to get past my homemade alarm system. That reminds me, I need to find more bees. I don’t think I quite have enough. Also, I should look into getting a dog. I think a few people realized I didn’t have one at the park and it drew additional attention to me.