Medieval Hypochondriacs

I wonder what it would be like to be a Hypochondriac during the Medieval era. "Hi, it's me again...look, could I get another one of those blood-lettings, I have a runny nose and think I might have the Black Plague. Say, does this hang nail look bad to you? Maybe you should just remove the whole arm just in case. Can I take some of these leaches home with me? Sometimes, I just need a quick fix to help me sleep at night".

Was amputation considered a medical breakthrough when it was first invented? It seems pretty primitive now, but I imagine the first person who thought of it was pretty proud of himself. "So this guy came in with athlete's foot and within 10 minutes, I completely healed him!"

In 2007, 66-year-old Al Hill amputated his leg below the knee using his pocketknife after the leg got stuck beneath a fallen tree he was cutting in California. I picture him sitting near the fireplace telling the story to his grand-kids only to have one of them ask, "Grandpa, why didn't you just use the knife to dig your leg out instead of cutting it off."

Sticky Business

I hate it when public bathroom floors are sticky. I walked into the restroom at Barnes an Noble today and stepped right in a spot so sticky that my shoe almost fell off. The funny part is that I saw that a cup of Coke had spilled and was relieved. You would think that the level of disgust would be based on the stickiness of the puddle, but soda is stickier than urine. Most people would rather step in a spilled soda over urine, but soda is much more difficult to remove from a shoe. It must be based on which one would be worse to get in your mouth, but why would that make a difference unless you put your shoe in your mouth. In the grand scheme of things, I suppose neither one would harm you if ingested in small quantities.

The Karate Investment

I got a flyer for karate classes in the mail today. I was seriously considering signing up, but then I did some math and decided it was not worth the investment. I looked it up and it takes 3-5 years to obtain a black belt. Karate lessons are $150 per month. That's $9,000 for 5 years. I never carry more than $50 dollars on me. That means I would have to get mugged 180 times in order for the amount of money taken to equal what I paid for the lessons. Martial arts experts probably picture themselves dying in some massive ninja battle. It's probably pretty depressing to the ones who die of natural causes, never having been mugged or attacked in their life. It's like spending your life walking around with a baseball glove on your hand. Chances are pretty rare that someone will throw a ball at you, so you just end up looking silly and having a sweaty hand.

The Lady of Guadelupe

I was on Costco's website looking for a good deal on bulk candy to sell from my car and I came across this product review for the Lady of Guadelupe Casket. It reads:

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The way to go...
Model Number: The Lady of Guadalupe
"Thank-You to Universal Casket and Costco, The casket was beautiful on time and priced right. Nothing at the funeral home compared to this for less than 6,000 dollars, And talk about fast shipping we received it the next day using regular shipping!!! The funeral home had no issues with us provideding the casket."
2 of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No (Report Inappropriate Review)

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This review was either written by the company that makes the coffins or someone who apparently cares more about informing others about great deals than mourning the loss of a loved one. I'm all for saving a few thousand dollars, but if I just lost a loved one, I don't think I would write things like "And talk about fast Shipping!!!". I also like the fact that 2 out of 2 people found this review helpful. Either those 2 people also work for the casket company, or they found comfort in the fact that it is possible to go back to using triple exclamation marks so quickly after such a loss.

I was going to click (Report Inappropriate Review) but there is a chance that it was a legitimate review. Instead, I added my own review that I felt was more likely to be written by someone buying a casket: 

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"I can't believe she's gone. What do I do now. How do I go on living without her warm embrace and gentle voice telling me everything will be ok? I want to provide some sort of comfort for the kids, but how can I when I have none to offer. The emptiness within me only grows more vast and piercing as the numbness of the initial shock subsides. I must find something to live for. Some strand of hope to hang on to and pull me out of this nightmare. At least the coffin arrived on time and wasn't too much money."

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I got a message that it takes up to 72 hours for my review to appear. I'll have to check back and see if it made it. I really hope it was the casket company that wrote that review, otherwise I would feel really guilty for making fun of someone who has actually just buried someone.