Job Interviews

In all relationships, the one who is the most interested in the other, is the one with the least amount power. To put yourself out there like that for the other person to accept or reject takes a great deal of motivation and bravery. And to be on the other end of it is a feeling so empowering, it can be tempting at times to hold on to that power rather than to join them in their pathetic state.

That's why I post job positions on craigslist and hold interviews for jobs that don't actually exist. As the interviewer, I hold all the cards in the relationship and the candidate must submit himself or herself to my judgments and pretend to love every minute of it. One thing most people look for is the candidate's ability to communicate. They see if you are able to look them in the eye, they judge the firmness of their handshake, and pay close attention to their ability to answer all the questions with confidence. For me, all these things show is how good they are at lying. Everyone lies in interviews, you have to. Otherwise, nobody would ever get a job anywhere. When asked, what is your worst quality, if a person answered honestly and said things like, "I'm sad most of the time." or "I don't like it when people tell me what to do." then they would not get the job.

They are rewarded for their ability to lie and then they are so shocked when the employee is discovered to be stealing from the company or falsifying records to the stockholders. They have nobody to blame but themselves. If you're going to hire based on their ability to lie, then you should also test their ability to not get caught.

I like to take a different approach. I test their ability to adapt to new situations. For example, I may turn their computer monitor upside down and tell them to play a game of solitaire. Or I might give them a doll and ask them to braid it's hair. If they tell me they don't know how, they are thanked for their time and asked to leave. If they pull up "how to braid hair" on youtube and try to figure it out, the interview will proceed. All jobs require people to learn new things and be able to solve new and unique problems, the interview should test their aptitude for this.

One thing I've discovered is that people who are generally better at learning new things and adapting to their surroundings are the ones who are not so skilled in the area of interpersonal communication. I think this is because people who are uncomfortable in their own skin, are used to adapting. They don't mind being taken out of their comfort zone because they don't have one.

In the end, I thank them and tell them that I have several more interviews to conduct and will get back with them. I don't really see this as being dishonest because someday I might actually own a business and I'll have a solid list of candidates ready to go. If not, then I helped them polish their interview skills to help them on their path to employment.

I wish dating was structured in the same way. People should have to fill out a dating resume with relationship histories and references. I would probably follow many of the above techniques in finding an appropriate mate. I think I may be on to something...